Holidays

Well, things are boring, plus I'm ill, so most days I just lay in bed and watch Buffy's, I have no money to go anywhere because I'm giving all I get to mum, and I'm even working for her without pay. I guess she needs it more than I do. Though I'm sick of this room, sick of tripping over crap when I wake up, sick of Alex's clothes everywhere, I'm ready to move the fuck out. I have a mass pimple, I don't heaps of pimples and stuff, but this one is big, and it's in my nose ): ouchies. Looks like it's just me and Jemames(toy unicorn Darcy got my for Christmas) for the holidays, which I think he's cool with, he's getting dirty though, must make him his own bed, his neck is getting all flimsy from me carrying him around everywhere, new security blanket I believe, I know it's stupid but this soft toy makes me feel better.

Sick.

So, I'm sick again, I went to town today, I cant walk for long period of time, without limping or, falling asleep haha. oh the joy of a shit immune system. Christmas was good, more excited about the taste and just being in salamanca in the sun with my pals (: My life remember, the way I wanted it.

P.SS

I HAVE NO CREDIT! WAAAH

P.S FML

Gosh things are getting tricky, especially all this relationship crap, I mean seriously boys, GROW UP, I may only be sixteen but I'm going places unlike you so you cant dictate to me about how I should run my life. I'm at a point where I'm avoiding any contact with males, well most males. I do not want a relationship and if I do it'll be because I'm in love or some shit, so fuck off! so angry.

I just want it to be Christmas already.

It's actually over.

 Okay here they are, my five favourite people with me at my leavers dinner. Noah, Kiara, Arlyn (and the car), Darcy and then my gorgeous Sophie. I have to boast slightly here, I did have people coming to me left right and center commenting on how elegant I looked, the way I walked, sat, even ate. I spent most of the night having f*cking photos taken, which was annoying, (another boast moment) I hardly left the freaking photo set, that many guys wanted to have single photos with me, it was crazy. The meals were average but I'm not going to complain, the staff were slack though, I went around to about five tables and cleared them, I had people asking 'Casey what in gods name are you doing, it's your leavers dinner?!' I just said 'Well I have nothing else to do so I might as well help out a little' I so got judged hard core.

Dancing was, painful in my shoes, it was like my shoes were trying to give birth to my feet, ah well. It was fun though regardless that I didn't know any of the mainstream music so this got a tad weird.

I made sure I went around and said a farewell to all my favourite teachers, but did the quiet slip out the back when I left, I have Mr. Stops a small smile and a wave as I walked out but apart from that I did not make a big thing out of it like most people did.

The next day was full of tears, looking back on grade ten and high school, I'm too scared to grow up. They made each class stand on the stage and wave goodbye to the school, that's what did it to me, that it was goodbye, it's strange how attached we all got to the school, it's just a building. After that we dordled down to east and then to Em's to get ready for Dyl's, the grand after party.

 Okay so, Dylan's. I didn't fall in a fire, I didn't lose my phone, I didn't hook up or bitch, I just had fun. Though I did end up being first aid lady for about three passed out, vomiting kiddies. Not that I minded, I'm used to it I guess, with dad, but I'm glad I was there to help, I'm also glad I was able to get my but into gear considering I had nearly 3/4 of a bottle of Vodka in my system. Darcy helped, by sitting and staring at the floor trying to hold back his own chuck. silly Darcy.

The night was fun, and I made sure I walked around and said goodbyes to people I might not see next year. I actually have a photo of Iris crying because I was telling he
r how beautiful she is, and she needs to remember that. Also Dylan hugged me, which was weird, we're not overly close but hey, okay enough of my blabbering, back to the details. Next morning I was fine, no hang over, nothing, I got everyone ready, made eggs and bacon for breakfast, Em and Kiara helped, considering there was about fifteen people who stayed at Justaan's. Then we just hung out for a while, playing xbox and making sure everyone had redbull or panadol etc. Over all it was WICKED

My dress is already on ebay to be sold, I sure hope it sells. Not that I'm getting the money anyway, all thanks to my darling mother, humph!
I'm not ready to let go just yet.

blood

Bought a new Christmas tree, it's white. I wanted a black one, but it really wouldn't of suited the colour scheme in our house so I recommended a white one, though my opinion doesn't really matter. I cant wait to be older and have my nice house and kids and husband and be the family to host the Christmas lunch, and have a colour coordinated tree and, dinner setting and, table features and wrapping and, to cook a marvelous meal and for everyone to be happy, oh and the bon bon things have to match the napkins. I love Christmas, I love all colour and festivity, everyones excited, kids, adults, it's a fast paced time of the year.

I bought one of those diary's with the dates in them, so I can keep track of work and school and my youth allowance, which I only get like $50 of because mum and dad only made me go on it so they got the money. There is only like two-three weeks of 2010 left. This year has gone ever so fast. Excited to move out. All I need to organise is my money, get a steadier job, and everything should be okay (: I REALLY need to go for my L's. Maybe I should wait until I get my P's before I move out.

I'm really quite proud, I've been turning away bad food lately, I need to get into shape. I'm not putting weight on or anything, I guess I should exercise. If I move out I'd really like to move to bellerive so I could walk to school and, catch a bus to the pool once or twice a week. I don't know. I'd really love to live close to town but it's so expensive. I'm moving into Soph's within the new year. I'll work it out, it's scary.

No more, for a very long time.

I've decided for focus on more important things than having a relationship, like school and tight friends. I'm over having someone on the go constantly, and having someone else to worry about, I want to move the fuck on with my life. It doesn't mean my feelings for anyone change, I just wont act on them.

 Okay, here you go, my dress and hair (:

'son, if I died on my bed room floor, would you cry on your bed room floor?'
Work will pick up for me soon, which is good I miss the boys, as I am the only female and non Asian person at work (:
I have photos for you. One is me in my leavers dress, other is how I'm getting my hair cut. I shall put them in another post, for some reason they wont work right now.
oh I'm going to the Hobart cup with the girls, I nearly bought a dress today, but decided that I want a real quality dress not a dress from valley girl. You know me. I'm also saving for a mini ghd straightener. So I can straighten my hair when it's short (: Well shorter.
 oh by the way, I'm going to Rosny, so you'll see my arty farty face around I guess.
Art Appreciation 3C, Art Production - Visual Art 3C, Modern World History 3C, Maths Applied 2C, Concert Band and Costume Design 2A (: no free lines either. I'm rather excited.

FUCK

fucking wicked.
'I don't want to be this way, I want to be normal'
remember? I used to be useful, I used to help. It make me feel wanted, me being around made a difference. I felt it, I need that feeling.
FUCK.
In that mood where everything pisses me off. I work often, and i just want to come home to you every night, I think about it every night. I need my music.
ahhh thats better.
you know me, soothes me, it just makes everything wash away. I just listen to the music and the tones, it's just heaven.
Breathe Casey just breathe.
Ah, to walk in and see you on that gross white leather couch of yours watching tv and to just flop into your arms after a night of work would be lovely.

temptaion

One point tonight, I needed you so bad.
So bad.
But I left it, I don't want to trouble you, I really don't. I wish it was different, where I wasn't always in your way. I wish it, I do.
Regardless of where you are, or what you're doing, if you want me to or don't, I'll think about you. I want you to know that you deserve the best, you work so hard, and seriously, you're going to be sooo wealthy. I can just see it. Being that successful husband, that wears a suit and has an attractive wife and children, I know it. I hope you get everything that you wish for. This is it for me. I try and make it everything I can but, I live a very boring life.
Surround yourself with happiness, and never let me stop you from doing anything, ever. I'm not important, hell, I'm not even real. It's obvious that the past is the past and that it needs to stay that way, but I'll always love you. Though you disagree, I am always here, always, to fall back on.
It's late and I have a full day of performing tomorrow so. I best be off.

Take care. I miss sleeping.

It's time

fly away,
It's time for us to grow apart, for ever.
You no longer need me.
go, try out the new toys.
Hell go through the entire store.
But let go of this old rag doll, it's time to throw her in the bin
it's time to not let her drag you down,
go out and get a new one.
just for you.

Happy Birthday me.

So, birthday's eh?
It's mine tomorrow.
I get to go and spend the whole day at school.
Practicing for a stupid music that no one has heard of.
IT'S FUCKING STUPID!
I'm tired, work was busy tonight, but I'm not the kind of tired where I want to sleep.
I just want to curl up, and watch a movie.
Today was a big day.
I dislocated my hip on Thursday, it hurts.
stupid hip, stupid body, stupid work, stupid life.
As horrible as it sounds, Alex's stutter annoys the fuck out of me, I wish she'd just lose her voice.
My art work is up, on the wall at school. I painted this green face, took me over twelve hours, it's quite big. I'm proud of it. I have been planning a specific painting for about six months now, and never thought I'd her the resources or the opportunity to actually do it. But, I might get that chance. It's going to be as big as my bedroom wall, domestic violence theme. I'll explain it another day hey.

wrinkle wrinkle little scar, count the freckles on my arm.

I have no hair by the way.
about a month ago, I got it all cut off. I pull a lesbian hair cut off pretty good.
I give all lesbians a good name or whatever.
I have discovered, well been told my a few people that I stop breathing in my sleep for up to ninety seconds, then start again, that's not cool.Goodnight.

hospital doona cover.

So.
I hate you, you scare me.
terrified.
I still see you, but you have no clue
I'm a creep.
I'm a weirdo.
I cant get you.
I cant find you.
I see you,
I just need to know.
I just want to know.
I'm curious.
Empathetic.
For you. For no reason.
I still pretend.
'If you buy that fridge, you get a free T.V with it'

Next Door.

I want next door,

I knew that I'd found you.

casually strolling past the music stairs, to hear Noah playing Braile.
I love him,

meh

We all feel it, that litle bit of loneliness, that grows and builds, that feeds off of little fears and doubts. They grow also. I think it's stupid, I think a lot of things are stupid. I hurts, I'm not alone, I know,wellatleast I think I know. I'mjust a stupid kid, none of this will matter, does matter. I want to feel certain that he loves me, I don't want this doubt in my mind, I just don't want it. I don't know, but it is stupid.

I cant leaveyou behind, I've come to far, worked to hard, to let go.

OSKA

This nose belongs to OSKAAAAA, he is a young happy little boy, with fire red curly hair, he loves eating ice cream and, riding his tricycle. He has a best friend, named Elliot. Elliot has a nose just like OSKA's. They became best friends by realising that their noses were the same. They lived happily ever after.

Spain.

I got bored, Noah is in Spain, so I drew him something. I got busy reading a book about 20th century Art, then decided to draw haha. I live a very busy life style. Basically, I'm trying to make the time fly, until he returns.

learning.

This is a result of extreme boredom.

Have you Met Noah Jack Mahoney?

Have you met Noah before?
I really think you should.
he has super power.

He knows how to make me happy, without even trying. He makes me happy, when I didn't think I could get any happier.

He knows how to love a girl, the way every girl should be loved, He knows how to make me know, I'm loved.


He has the most, amazing, bluest eyes I've ever seen, they suck me in a little more every time I get a glans.

He has the best skin, the most bestest everereah, it's soft and warm, it keeps you safe at night.

He has an amazing voice, it's deep and warm, it makes you know you're safe.

He has gentle hands that stoke hair the best, that are also attached to very nice arms, which give the best hugs, the most rewarding thing I've ever felt.

He has the best heart, one I cant break. which I think, is annoying him.

See, you have to meet this guy, his humor is fantastic, and his smile makes everything else in the world seem so simple.

I'm no poet, I don't need to be, I just need you to meet Noah, so you too understand why I love him. But after meeting him, try not to fall in love with him, he is so totally mine.

not that you'll ever read this

I wont remember the memories that you will.
I wont appreciate things you will,
I wont sleep when you will.

I wont cry at things you cry at.
I wont love the things you love.
I wont laugh at things that you find funny.

I will remember the the things we share.
I will appreciate that you appreciate me.
I'll watch over you while you sleep.

I'll cry because you're sad.
I'll love things just because, purely, you love them too.
I'll laugh with you because I have no one else to laugh with.

I will remember coffee
I do appreciate your love
I love watching you sleep, so peaceful.

I cry because it kills me to know you're sad.
I love the things you love because it makes me proud to share something with you.
I laugh with you, because seeing you laugh, is the best feeling I've ever felt.

I love you, because you are you.

Drysdale, day one.

so, it was pretty boring, learnt things I already know, wore stupid clothes, and got alcohol splashed all over me.

it's our room now.

hehe, my bed, my pillows,
you never share pillows!
bed hogg (:

wrapped up in skin and muscle.

Dancing with you
slowly dancing.
I feel your beating heart.
you're alive, you're real.
you're mine.

I'll tke this with me when I go.
I love the blue of your eyes.

hmm

I fell asleep talking to you, we stay up all night talking, after spending a day together, everyday together. I love you, more than life itself, you calm me, you are my get away and home at the same time. You are worth the hard times, you are worth the ache. You took this of me, while I was asleep,

You think I'm beautiful.

days to nights, in our room.

You stay up, I sleep.

You sleep in, I'm up by six.

You use pen, I use paint.

You use a pict, I use breath.

You use milk first, I prefer water,

You don't wear socks to bed, I never take them off.

You read, I write.

You stay in, while I'm never home.

You have blonde hair, I have brown.

You are pale, I am dark.

You have blue eyes, I have brown.

You're strong, I weak

But you keep me strong, I feel you with breath, you make it taste better, I keep your feet warm, you teach me, I teach you. You give me life and I share that life with you. I lean on you when I cant walk, I cant walk alone. You catch me when I fall unless you are pushing me. You listen, except when it's about furniture. you make me feel like I have fairy wings. You put up with me being a snob, I think I can handle you're lack of attendance. LOVE CASEY..

ZOMG

Okay, so I got rid of most of the shit little blogs that were weighing me down and kept my art and a few little slices.

So, I have found a house, in May's edition of 'Australian Home and Garden'. And well, I think love would be an understatement, actually probably not, basically I love the house. It's a house in Moreton Bay in Queensland, a three story masterpiece. Yes big, but it was built for a family of six, that enjoys space. There are a few things I would change, such as furniture and colours, only in some rooms, but the rest is amazing, as well as the yard. the spotted gum decking goes great with the interior of the house when the Concertina glass doors are open. Each room suited to the right needs and a large spaced out kitchen is what makes me so attracted to this house. The view and spacial living is bloody amazing not to mention the art and textiles used through out the house. I'll try and get some pictures up soon. love Casey.

Coffee cups.

I now have my own mug at your house.
your home is mine to.
even though I live somewhere else.

we don't have to talk.
I just need to have you close.
when your around, my mug is never empty.
for you are my coffee.

my hand hurts.